WHAT IS LOVE?

SHE ONLY REMEMBER HIS AND NOT MINE..... WHY WHYYYYYYY!!!, I WAITED FOR YOU THE WHOLE DAY WONDERING WHEN WE CAN PLAY... I EVEN ASK YOU, WHETHER YOU WANT TO PLAY OR NOT. AND YOU SAID YOU DOING WORK, FINE I LET YOU DO WORK. BUT WHYYYY DON'T YOU COME AND ASK ME TO PLAY WHEN YOU ARE FREEEEEE. TELL ME A TIME YOU ARE FREE TO PLAY, ONE GAME IS JUST FINE. IF YOU ARE TOO BUSY. WHEN I REPLY YOU OKAY, YOU CAN TELL ME THE TIME YOU FREE TO PLAY. YOU TOLD HIM THE TIME AND PROMISED HIMMM!!! YOU PROMISED HIM, YOU ALSO PROMISED ME AS WELL.. I AM JUST VERY SAD AND DONT KNOW WHAT DO TO ANYMORE. I DONT HAVE ANYONE TO TURN TO ANYMORE.😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I GUESS I'M THE FIRST PERSON FOR YOU  TO LOOK FOR WHEN YOU HAVE TROUBLE. BUT.....

Friends or Me?

Friends!?
Who are they,
Why we need friends,
Where are there when I need them,
How many friends truly know me,
Why are my friends not wishing me happy birthday😭,
Do they know that I exist,
Wonder do they even remember me,
Friends!?
Are they really care for you,

OR

Me?
Was it because I'm not close to them,
We didn't shared to be my friend,
We didn't shared story or secrets,
I didn't supported you,
I didn't back you up,
I didn't been there,
I didn't been understanding your situation,
I have been showing off
Throwing money just to get my friendship
Helping friends with no return ,
But their return is destroy the bond,
Wrong tactic to talk,
Wrong minded
Wrong and criminally minded,
To the state of suicides
No friends or partner to express my feelings or problem,
Family are bigger patch
Most time talking to self and no clue whom is right and wrong
Blog is where I expressed my self

During the Night

I cry every night knowing that I am loner, no body would care to ask "how are you feeling today?" I cry everytime because I have feel I have bad life. All of my friends never seems to care about me. As I have know and care for them as I have always asking how are they and wondering if they have problems that they want me to hear. Guess no one want me to hear their problem. Every night or should I say early morning 3 am to 4am, that is the time I sleep and the time for some to about to wake up. Every time I look at picture about people who sleep late and they will caption it saying people who sleep late is a single( which I am).
I do not have anyone to talk too, enjoy and have fun. As time goes by friends will slowing forget you and find new and better friends. Some friends do not remember my birthday whereby I always remember their which it hurts to feel how they can forget Birthday dates😭. This is

I always think to myself that i love some on, but knowing that i could love someone is for real. As i think deeper to my future i found out that i could not love anyone at all as in girlfriend. My mind is like my best friend to me. Everyone will say i am crazy and all, well i am if i am alone with no one to talk to. I was ignored by most of my friends, kept me in the shadow, getting the "latest news", "latest feedback". Now i am in trouble getting to know my friends. Is it my problem of not being able to socialize?
Just today i have screw someones trust and love. Playing with some one i know. which now i will get my own punishment for playing with girls feelings. And people who read this will start to hate me for who am i. I can admit that i am a weird person and and idiot person. This blog is where i release my feeling about my life (rarely post) and all this sad, anger and all the negative problem that i have being in this life. which is not suppose to be, Blog is supposed to be positive and promoting ads. i will do my best to post fun and exciting post.

Cont.

I don't know how to impress girls like others, I do not have the touch of love potion in my speech or my hand. What i do have is my ear for you to release your problem, my mouth to give you advice, my hand to help you to gain that strength to not give up that easily. That innocent girl i have met and know her well. As we have have conversation for a few years. We may have argument and disagreement on thing but i let her win. Without winning her heart is like getting her in your arms. One time i did told her that most boys will do stupid thing just to get the attention of his crush/lover. I think is only me who will say that because i have watch too much dramatic movie. These few month is hard for me as she is sitting a major exam and i could not talk to her, we can talk the hold day and not know what time is it. We Whats App each other from time to time. There was one time  She as me who do i like or who is your crush in ur college or anyone that i like. So i sort of told her a lie that i like someone else and was not dare to tell her that i like her, That time i do not have guts or the balls to tell her or confess.    

The Innocent Girl

She the innocent one who I have feeling for. 

She is the want who change my life around, when I look at her she makes me smile. 

I am not very sure whether did I make her smile. I may look not handsome, clever or anything near to it. 

I feel like she has something special in her. I knew her for few years already. Now I look back at our conversation, I feel stupid to the things I have said to her, the wrong thing that I have done to her and thing are not suppose to do. Now I realised that, I have done too much or many pervert thing to her. I feel very guilty to her whenever I face, I forced myself to put a smile on my face whenever I see her. 

Just last few days I confessed to her I am very in love with her. I told her that, I may not like other boys who have all the good feature. I am more like a person who have a fat tummy, no muscle, and  not looking cool. I know that my time is short as I have dream about my death, it is very complicated to explain. That was y I ignoring her for one day. On that day itself I received a message from her, asking me y am I ignoring her. So I explain to her of what happen. I remember once I was fetch her back home and requested me to bring her to have a late lunch. I brought her to MCD as requested from her, she told me did not have enough of money, I should have brought her in to MCD and treat her. I have make a mistake for not being to have a good lunch. She only bought a vanilla ice cream. There had been so many time that I want to tell her but I do not have the guts or the balls to confessed to her. Every day for the past few years I have be thinking of her day and night. As she has grown taller and taller about to reach my height, I can see that she have grown more matured and still have the innocent look at her face. I think I have expressed enough. As I know she may or may not accept that she is still pretty, beautiful, innocent  smart, caring and many other good things that I can day to her. But not about myself.

She the innocent one who I have feeling for. 

She is the want who change my life around, when I look at her she makes me smile. 

I am not very sure whether did I make her smile. I may look not handsome, clever or anything near to it. 

I feel like she has something special in her. I knew her for few years already. Now I look back at our conversation, I feel stupid to the things I have said to her, the wrong thing that I have done to her and thing are not suppose to do. Now I realised that, I have done too much or many pervert thing to her. I feel very guilty to her whenever I face, I forced myself to put a smile on my face whenever I see her. 

Just last few days I confessed to her I am very in love with her. I told her that, I may not like other boys who have all the good feature. I am more like a person who have a fat tummy, no muscle, and  not looking cool. I know that my time is short as I have dream about my death, it is very complicated to explain. That was y I ignoring her for one day. On that day itself I received a message from her, asking me y am I ignoring her. So I explain to her of what happen. I remember once I was fetch her back home and requested me to bring her to have a late lunch. I brought her to MCD as requested from her, she told me did not have enough of money, I should have brought her in to MCD and treat her. I have make a mistake for not being to have a good lunch. She only bought a vanilla ice cream. There had been so many time that I want to tell her but I do not have the guts or the balls to confessed to her. Every day for the past few years I have be thinking of her day and night. As she has grown taller and taller about to reach my height, I can see that she have grown more matured and still have the innocent look at her face. I think I have expressed enough. As I know she may or may not accept that she is still pretty, beautiful, innocent  smart, caring and many other good things that I can day to her. But not about myself.